原來這才是傳說中的閃光彈!

搭公車或地鐵的好處是常會看到許多令人大開眼界的事情，而我聽到最經典/最腦殘的對話來源幾乎都是 high school kids — 不是我在說，我真的覺得現在的小捧由有一代比一代誇張的傾向，就如魯夫不久前才在公車上聽到的「i’m just smart when I KEEPS TALKING!!!」那樣語出驚人 (汗)

而昨天在 Canada Line 上碰到的，大概是我目前看過最令人無言的對話了吧…

這次的對象是 一對情侶 + 一位他們的朋友，先稱他們為 A B C 吧，A 女和 B 男是情侶然後 C 女疑似是 A 女的好朋友 (有沒有已經有點尷尬的感覺了?)

當時的座位圖如下：

我上車的時候他們三個都在很囂張地大聲聊天，為了還原現場 (啥) 以下都將用英文敘述。

*While C’s still in the middle of talking, A & B suddenly start French kissing (!)*

C: and then like, guess what happened I just — *turns and sees AB making out* WTFOMG, OH-MY-GAWD, ok you guys can just keep- yeah just keep… I will turn around *quickly turns around with back facing them* now you can pretend that I’m not here, just ignore my presence mmkay? omg are you even done yet *turns and sees that AB are still making out* AHHHH I HATE YOU, I hate youuuu! *covers eyes* gosh!

*A & B start nibbling at each other’s face*

C: *still covering her eyes* okay this is getting really awkward, I gotta do something now, yeah you guys can just.. keep going let me know when you’re.. done.. *draws out phone and calls a friend* hey sup~ yeah I’m on the skytrain with A and B right now… and they’re making out atm which is making me very AWKWARD… lol lol*continues chatting*

C: *hangs up after 20 seconds* *waits*

*A & B are finally done* (rejoice rejoice!)

A: ooh sorry about that C, btw your shoes look really nice where d’you get those?

C: thanks guys…thanks.

*continues talking, but A and B seem to be too absent-minded to care*

C: …aw c’mon don’t be like that guys, I’M TRYING TO START A CONVERSATION HERE!! k this is getting really really awkward…

A: *whispers something into B’s ear and both giggle*

C: WOO whaaat was that? I want to know! what did you say there A~~ what did you sayyyyyy~~ (N: when I heard this I swore that she must have watched Charlie the Unicorn) OH f**k don’t, PLEASE NO NO N–*A pulls B into a passionate kiss again* NOOOOO NOT AGAIN!!!!!…arghhh #$%^&* alright it’s ok I can handle this…it’s no big deal, no big deal…

*train goes from above ground to underground*

C: omggg A!! Look!! We’re in a tunnel now~~! We’re in a tunneeeelll (N: yep must be Charlie no doubt)

聽到這邊我真的覺得 C 女好可憐 =w=||| 完全就是那種「跟我說話啦拜托跟我說話」的樣子，說真的如果 A 跟 B 再這樣擺爛下去我都要情不自禁(?)跑去安慰她陪她聊天惹 (關你屁事) 可是她同時又太戲劇化了連崩潰都誇張到很有喜感，害我同時也忍不住想笑啊！(到最後都不知道是該笑還是該覺得 feel sorry for her，真是個矛盾的抉擇)

但不管怎樣，我說 A 女跟 B 男會不會太故意了啊，完全就是在整人家吧！尤其是 A 自己的朋友在旁邊還持續這樣親完全程讓我不禁懷疑起他們三人的關系…(其實只是想向 C 女示威?! 感覺好畢曲喔~)

而且真想跟他們說地鐵上實在不是個很適合放閃光彈的地方，我雖然隔了一排座位但一趟車下來眼睛差不多也瞎了 (而且就算不看他們，他們倆互吸口水的聲音從車廂的另一端也可以聽得清清楚楚…) 坐在他們後面的一對阿公阿罵從頭到尾的表情也都是 囧…！

哎所以說現在的年輕人真的是越來越開放了 (搖頭遠望)
我想如果是在南京大學的話那裡的死團一定不會放過他們的啊~~

(很久以前在噗浪有貼過，新聞連結在這裡)